So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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