i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize