yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
