Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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