I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
me + whiskey = a bad person
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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