watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
