You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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