Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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