I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You can't just leave with hair like that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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