Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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