wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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