Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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