Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
