I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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