Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
