I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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