Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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