did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
