in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
