I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
