she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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