Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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