I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
