I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
