Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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