remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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