I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
