So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
