Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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