Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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