is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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