When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
