I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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