When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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