You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
