I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
