There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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