I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
