just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
