everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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