yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
