Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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