I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
