i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
