We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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