I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need water and some morals
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize