I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
