I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
