The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
