I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize