Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
