the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
