I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
