"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
