Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
