Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
