STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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