is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
