I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
