i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You ruined the universe
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
