I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
