i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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