i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
