we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
