I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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