This is not my ceiling
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
