new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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