by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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