big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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