You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
