omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
