I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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