They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
