you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize