He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
