Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Can you bring me the toilet please
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
