i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
