I just made out with a guy for $7.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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