Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So many bounce houses so little time
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
this is an emotional support booty call
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
