That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
