Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
